Dumont Network: Harsh Words (crime drama). The hit Dumont drama that pairs a by-the-book cop with a cold but beautiful forensic etymologist. Tonight: When a serial killer in Los Angeles leaves messages in Lancastrian dialect, the FBI calls on Dr. Skeat again.
The Brimstone Channel: The Jesus Show, with the Reverend Bob-Bob Lee (religion). Tonight: “Intelligent Design.” How the existence of televangelists proves that there is an omniscient and omnipotent Creator.
Northern Broadcasting System: Quirkville, PA (comedy-drama). The quirky comedy-drama about a quirky small town and the quirky people who live there. Tonight: Facing possible cancellation now that the fad for quirky comedy-dramas has passed, Mayor Quentin Q. Quentin calls in a few favors to have a regional crime lab transferred to Quirkville.
Metromedia: Al ’n’ Me (comedy). The wacky adventures of best buddies Alexander and Hephaestion as they look for new worlds to conquer. Tonight: Al gets hit on the head and wakes up with amnesia. Can Hephaestion hit him on the head again to restore his memory without getting himself killed by the imperial bodyguard?
Golf Network: The Golf Show (golf). Tonight: A tour of the new golf-cart simulators in the clubhouse at Oakmont.
Baldwin Borough Community TV: Baldwin Borough Council Meeting (public affairs). Tonight: The burgess dissolves borough council and rules by decree.
Wolf Broadcasting Corporation: Fries with That (reality). The hot reality show that takes ten new college graduates, puts them in dead-end jobs, and leaves them there forever. Tonight: Passed over for the assistant night-shift supervisor position again, Anna takes her revenge by miscounting the sporks.
The Lawnmower Channel: The Chickweed Menace (documentary). Dramatizations of real-life encounters with this ruthless invader.
Science Central: Ghost Investigators (documentary). Tonight: The team is horrified to discover that that the sensitive equipment they have been using to monitor signals from beyond the grave has actually been picking up KDKA radio.