Posts filed under “General Knowledge”

A PESSIMISTIC SIGN.

average-cost-of-cremation

DuckDuckGo likes to promote itself as the search engine that does not track or “bubble” users; so, if Dr. Boli understands the principle correctly, these suggested search completions should be based solely on what average DuckDuckGo users are searching for the most.

FUN CONSTRUCTION PROJECT YOU CAN DO AT HOME!

With thanks to a commenter whom we prefer to keep anonymous.

How to Build Women Tips You Must Know

Forget those long-established means of getting a flower or singing a song to woo a girl. the ultra-modern day woman looks for a complete package. confident, that’s true! From their appearance to great wealth, a girl wants it all.

For gaining a woman, You should be a man of her desires. The first thing is to moldova brides dress well. Making your presence felt among moldavian girls the crowd is a part of how to build women. just about anything, A handsome man helps make her drool. Also smell fantastically. Do not overdo it. Smell just the right amount.

SUPPORTIVE OF THE ARTS COMMUNITY.

From Wikipedia, which is a treasure-house of entertainment:

Arts and Culture

The City of Pawtucket has been supportive of the Arts Community since 1975. On September 2, 1977, The Beach Boys performed a concert at Narragansett Park attended by 40,000 people, the largest concert audience in Rhode Island history. In 2017, music historians Al Gomes and Connie Watrous of Big Noise were successful in getting the street where the concert stage stood (the corner of 455 Narragansett Park Drive) officially renamed as “Beach Boys Way”

You may search the whole article on Pawtucket, but you will not find the answer to the one question that is now burning a hole in your brain: What happened in 1975?

THE MATHEMATICS OF MARKETING.

On a package of half a dozen rolls of paper towels is a big splashy oval—the sort of thing graphic designers call a “bug”—with very large figures:

6=9

We may measure how well the marketers have formed us to their desires by noting that no one finds anything odd in that statement. In fact, no one in the grocery store thinks about that statement at all.

ASK DR. BOLI.

anniversary-week-13

Dear Dr. Boli: Why do I hear so many crackpot conspiracy theories lately? —Sincerely, Arethusa Rathermore, Bilderberg, Netherlands.

Dear Madam: Dr. Boli believes that the profusion of conspiracy theories is actually the result of a vast conspiracy by the governing powers to conceal their own incompetence. Consider it for a moment: suppose—merely for the sake of argument—that the world is run by lazy feckless unqualified clock-watchers who want nothing more than to collect the largest paycheck for the least work. If that were so, then we, the ordinary people who hold the real power, could simply vote them out, or overthrow them if they refused to go (for we outnumber them by a fair margin), and hire competent professionals to do their jobs.

But suppose—again merely for the sake of argument—that we, the people, who hold the real power in our hands, could be made to believe that the world was actually run by an ancient and sinister cabal of such ruthless and efficient power that nothing can stop it, and that the seemingly random events which a judicious observer would put down to the incompetence of our governments were actually cogs in the great machinery of the worldwide conspiracy. Why, then, believing we could do nothing, we would indeed do nothing, but rather fall into despair and apathy, leaving the lazy feckless incompetents to watch their clocks and collect their paychecks in peace.

We can see the benefit to the rulers of instilling such a belief in the ruled—a benefit so great that they might indeed be persuaded to rouse themselves to the fifteen minutes or so of effort it would take to post an anonymous rant on a conspiracy-theory bulletin board every once in a while. When looking at conspiracy theories, we should always ask the important question, Cui bono? (which is Latin for “Who gets the gravy?”). Dr. Boli believes he has found the most satisfactory answer to that question.

ASK DR. BOLI.

anniversary-week-13

Dear Dr. Boli: As a young voter doing my best for the country I love, I must confess that I was a little confused by the choices that faced me in this, my first election. Do you think you could help me understand the positions of the various parties? —Sincerely, Britney, a student at Pennsylvania University of California.

Dear Madam: It gives Dr. Boli great pleasure to assist a young patriot in understanding the mysteries of the democratic process. He hopes that his explanations will help you and many other young voters make responsible choices in future elections.

The Democratic Party believes that most problems can be solved by government.

The Republican Party believes that most problems can be solved by government, provided that the government is run by Republicans.

The Tea Party believes that most problems can be solved by government, and specifically the problem of too much government.

The Libertarian Party believes that government should be operated for the benefit of a small privileged class of business leaders.

The Socialist Workers Party believes that government should be operated for the benefit of a small privileged class of union leaders.

The Green Party believes that nothing should be red or blue.

The Bull Moose Party believes that it is still 1912.

Dr. Boli is confident that, armed with this information, you will be in a very good position to make responsible political decisions in the future. He encourages you not to lose heart if the party you choose sometimes loses at the polls, assuring you, from the point of view of his uniquely long experience, that the end result will be much the same either way.

YOUR CALL IS IMPORTANT TO US.

anniversary-week-13

In honor of the thirteenth anniversary of his migration to the World-Wide Web, Dr. Boli is reprinting a few favorite articles from the past thirteen years.

Thank you for calling the 911 Emergency Services Hotline. All our operators are busy at the moment, but your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order in which it was received.

Did you know that the 911 Emergency Services Hotline is now a county-wide service? All our operations have been streamlined for maximum efficiency to better serve you, our customers. Your county government cares about you.

All our operators are still busy at the moment, but your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order in which it was received.

The Yohogania County 911 Emergency Services Hotline utilizes the latest in emergency-response telephony to improve your 911 service experience. Your tax dollars have been wisely invested in the most modern computerized switching and call-transfer equipment. Your county government works hard to make the best use of the money you entrust to us.

All our operators are still busy at the moment, but your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order in which it was received.

On-hold music for the 911 Emergency Services Hotline has been provided for your listening pleasure by Acoustic Relaxations, Inc., a Yohogania-County-based service providing fine unchallenging solo guitar music for background purposes to businesses and institutions for over fifteen years. Your county government supports the arts.

All our operators are still busy at the moment, but your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order in which it was received.

Your Yohogania County 911 Emergency Services Hotline is supported in part by a grant from FEMA, the Federal Emergency Medley Administration, which promulgates standards for on-hold music for emergency hotlines nationwide. You may be assured that the on-hold music you are enjoying right now meets the strictest federal standards.

Due to unforeseen circumstances, the 911 Emergency Services Hotline is experiencing a heavier-than-normal call volume at this time. Please hang up now and call back at a less congested time. We apologize for any inconvenience. Thank you.

HOW TO REMOVE AMBIGUITY.

Mary, Queen of Scots, shown with one head but not the other.

Pronouns are useful tools, but may sometimes cause ambiguity in a hastily constructed sentence. An example (from a Wikipedia article):

Mary, Queen of Scots, at one time owned her head, which was subsequently preserved by Jesuits in the Scottish College, Douai, France, from where it was subsequently lost during the French Revolution.

Here is how to remove the ambiguity:

Mary, Queen of Scots, at one time owned St. Margaret of Scotland’s head, which was subsequently preserved by Jesuits in the Scottish College, Douai, France, from where it was subsequently lost during the French Revolution.

 

A DELIGHTFUL FRENCH IDIOM.

It came up in a French news story: “Un quart d’heure de gloire warholien” (“A Warholian fifteen minutes of fame”). It seems perfect for dropping into casual conversation: “He will enjoy his quart d’heure de gloire warholien, and then we shall have done with him.” This will baffle your acquaintances and make them think of you as a pompous twit, which will spare you the necessity of any further conversation with them.

The phrase is also often translated “quart d’heure de célébrité,” as in “‘À l’avenir chacun connaîtra son quart d’heure de célébrité’ prévenait Andy Warhol en 1968” (from the France culture site).