THE ART OF SPINNING.

Article spinning,” says the omniscient Wikipedia, “is a writing technique used in search engine optimization (SEO), and other applications, which creates what appears to be new content from what already exists. Content spinning works by replacing specific words, phrases, sentences, or even entire paragraphs with any number of alternate versions to provide a slightly different variation with each spin – also known as Rogeting.”

Now, you might think that Rogeting (the reason for the term, if it is not already obvious, will be made obvious by the example) would be limited in its ability to create variations on a theme. The technique is used regularly in the flourishing subgenre of literature known as spam commenting, however, and a dip into the spam-comment collection reveals that, given a small number of words, we can produce infinite variations. Dr. Boli would liken the result to a fugue, in which a very simple theme is elaborated, turned on its head, transposed, and woven through other variations until its simplicity has produced a marvelous complexity.

Would you be considering exchanging hyperlinks?
Would you be considering exchanging links?
Would you be occupied with exchanging hyperlinks?
Would you be excited about exchanging hyperlinks?
Would you be excited by exchanging hyperlinks?
Would you be excited by exchanging links?
Would you be thinking about exchanging hyperlinks?
Would you be curious about exchanging links?
Would you be eager about exchanging hyperlinks?
Would you be keen on exchanging hyperlinks?
Would you be involved in exchanging hyperlinks?
Would you be interested by exchanging hyperlinks?
Would you be all for exchanging hyperlinks?
Would you be all in favour of exchanging links?
Would you be enthusiastic about exchanging links?
Would you be serious about exchanging hyperlinks?
Would you be serious about exchanging links?
Would you be fascinated with exchanging hyperlinks?
Would you be concerned about exchanging hyperlinks?
Would you be concerned about exchanging links?
Would you be desirous about exchanging hyperlinks?

MORAL SONGS FOR CHILDREN.

No. 1. The Bee.

Behold the little honeybee,
    So busy at his task!
Now, isn’t he a funny bee?
    He never stops to ask,
“Just where can all the money be
    In service to the hive?”
I guess this little sunny bee
    Must be about the biggest dope alive.

AH! AH! WHAT TWITS AND DUPES WE ARE!

That is the title of a little satirical French dialogue published in 1791, when Revolutionary France was still technically a constitutional monarchy. For those who read French, it is a delightful excursion into the absurdity of the Revolution, which may stand in for the absurdity of all human history. For those who do not read French, Dr. Boli’s translation of the title above may be all you need.

The two characters of the dialogue are Pistouret, a traveler just returned from China who finds France all in an uproar for reasons he knows nothing about, and Boniface, an ordinary citizen who tries to explain how everyone became free while Pistouret was away. To every one of Boniface’s explanations, Pistouret replies, “Ah! ah!”—and then asks whether things are as an obviously sane person would assume they are, only to be told that they are otherwise. Here is a short section taken more or less at random and translated for Frenchless readers:

Pistouret. Ah! ah! Another tax?

Boniface. Yes, you might say that, but it has to cost something not to be slaves.

Pistouret. Ah! ah! So you don’t obey anyone anymore?

Boniface. We obey the nation, the law, and the king.

Pistouret. Ah! ah! But wasn’t it the same before?

Boniface. Oh, no! There was that Bastille thing that we captured and destroyed.

Pistouret. Ah! ah! Did they capture and destroy all the other prisons, too?

Boniface. No, there have to be prisons.

Pistouret. Ah! ah! And why did they hate that one more than the others?

Boniface. Because… I couldn’t really say. It was to make the aristocrats mad.

Pistouret. Ah! ah! What are aristocrats?

Boniface. Now, where do you come from, that you ask me that question? They’re the enemies of the nation, the ones who caused the…uh… Someone can tell you that. As for me, I don’t understand anything.

A PESSIMISTIC SIGN.

average-cost-of-cremation

DuckDuckGo likes to promote itself as the search engine that does not track or “bubble” users; so, if Dr. Boli understands the principle correctly, these suggested search completions should be based solely on what average DuckDuckGo users are searching for the most.

IN THE NEWS.

Police file photo.

Police were summoned to the Faraday cage at the Duck Hollow Museum of Natural History early this morning when a museum security guard discovered that Michael Faraday had escaped. He is described as a man of middle height, a little shy of 229 years old, clean-shaven, with thick gray hair parted on the left, a black jacket and waistcoat, a prominent black cravat, and the strength of forty demons. Citizens who see Faraday are advised to report his location to the city police, then calmly pack a few belongings and drive to a random city no less than five hundred (500) miles away, where they should check into a hotel under an assumed name and await news of Faraday’s capture.

SIGNS OF THE END TIMES.

Are end-times prophecies coming true before our eyes? Consider these signs of the end times, and prepare.

“Organic energy chews.”

Wireless smart beanies.

Japanese knotweed.

AutoTune.

Individual stickers on every single piece of fruit at the supermarket (see Rev. 13:16-17).

“This is an apology call from your electric utility.”

Cheese-flavored ice cream.

“Updates to our terms of use.”

Gluten-free seltzer.