What have you been doing, Melinda, my darling,
What have you been doing with all your free time?
You live so carefree, like a sparrow or starling,
As though living life didn’t cost you a dime.

Oh, I’ve gathered snow from the cold, lofty Andes,
Compressed it and sold it as peppermint candies;
Trained bears in the basement and hawks in the attic;
Gone hunting for elk with a Colt automatic;
Been over to England to write for the Mirror;
And dug deep for diamonds (for nothing is dearer)—
And all that I’ve done just to keep you from ruin,
And still you demand of me what I’ve been doin’!

Where have you been hiding, Melinda, my dearest,
Where have you been hiding when work’s to be done?
Whatever the task is, from greatest to merest,
I never can find you—you’re off having fun!

I’ve been to Miami to harvest the mangoes,
Then over to Spain to teach peasants fandangos;
I’ve painted the Statue of Liberty yellow;
I’ve given stock tips to that Donald Trump fellow;
I’ve dug a canal straight on through Nicaragua
(With detours to bypass suburban Managua);
From Paris to Peiping to Perth I’ve been riding,
And still you demand of me where I’ve been hiding!