TONIGHT AT EIGHT.

Dumont Network: Ham ’n’ Eggs (comedy). The wacky adventures of best buddies Hamlet and Horatio, one of whom just happens to be Prince of Denmark. Tonight: Hamlet’s mischief-making pals Rosencrantz and Guildenstern set him up for a wacky practical joke—but they don’t realize he’s about to turn the tables on them!

The Brimstone Channel: The Jesus Show, with the Reverend Bob-Bob Lee (religion). Tonight: Rev. Bob-Bob asks for money.

Northern Broadcasting System: Stones of the City (crime drama). This latest entry in the vampire-building-inspector genre follows the adventures of Sam Ionescu, inspector for the city of Washington (Penna.). Tonight: A pawn-shop owner insists that his building is open 9 to 5 only. Will Sam be forced to reveal the real reason he can inspect only by night?

Metromedia: Al ’n’ Me (comedy). The wacky adventures of best buddies Alexander and Hephaestion as they look for new worlds to conquer. Tonight: Alexander’s old tutor Aristotle is coming for a visit—and Al is terrified! Can Hephaestion put the crusty old teacher in his place before Al loses it in front of the whole army?

Golf Network: The Golf Show (golf). Tonight: How to tell a golf ball from a dandelion gone to seed.

Baldwin Borough Community TV: Baldwin Borough Council Meeting (public affairs). Tonight: Reading of the minutes from last week’s meeting; motion to censure the acting burgess for unauthorized use of $2.95 of borough funds for the purchase of Raisinets.

Wolf Broadcasting Corporation: Fries with That (reality). The hot new reality show that takes ten new college graduates, puts them in dead-end jobs, and leaves them there forever. Tonight: Courtney faces a moral dilemma—can she “go postal” when she works for UPS?

Home Movie Channel: Movie: Yuk It Up (drama). Innovative drama based on several Three Stooges shorts strips away the jokes and reveals the anguish behind the laughter. Stars Jack Nicholson as Moe, Sir Ian McKellan as Larry, and Marlon Brando as Curly.

Science Central: Secret Life of a Sidewalk (documentary). Follows one year in the life of one concrete segment in an urban sidewalk. Tonight: Five sparrows and half a pretzel. Part 32 of 124.