Although no recordings of the old Captain Pleonasm radio serial have survived, a number of the original scripts were recently unearthed in the archives of the Northern Broadcasting Company.
ANNOUNCER. Malt-O-Cod, the delicious and nutritious malt food drink flavored with real cod-liver oil, presents…
(Music: Theme, up and under for…)
ANNOUNCER. The Thrilling and Exciting Adventures of Captain Pleonasm and His Faithful and Trustworthy Sidekick and Assistant, Interjection Boy!
(Music: In full, then out.)
ANNOUNCER. As you recall, in last week’s episode, Captain Pleonasm and Interjection Boy found themselves face to face with an old enemy.
INTERJECTION BOY. Hoppin’ grasshoppers, Captain Pleonasm! They’re Brevitrons!
CAPT. PLEONASM. Brevitrons! The inveterate and incorrigible enemies of all that is sacred and holy!
INTERJECTION BOY. Leapin’ llamas, Captain Pleonasm! The last time we faced the Brevitrons, you sounded like Ernest Hemingway for a week!
CAPT. PLEONASM. Don’t remind me, Interjection Boy. Speak no more of that shameful and regrettable incident in my otherwise glorious and illustrious career. Make no more mention of that occasion, but rather leave it forgotten and unremembered, consigned to the oblivion it merits and deserves.
INTERJECTION BOY. Ods bodkins, Captain Pleonasm! While you were talking, they got a whole lot closer!
BREVITRON (electronic voice). SURRENDER OR BE SUBDUED.
INTERJECTION BOY. Holy poly, Captain Pleonasm! What are we going to do?
BREVITRON. YOU HAVE FIVE SECONDS.
CAPT. PLEONASM. Would you menace or threaten me, foul electrical being from another world? Would you attempt to intimidate the—
(Sound: Electronic zap.)
INTERJECTION BOY. Hot buttered scones, Captain Pleonasm! They’re using their Intererrupto Rays!
CAPT. PLEONASM. The wicked and (zap) rays are (zap) and decimating my (zap) and dialogue! I can (zap) or barely (zap) and speak in complete sentences or (zap)!
INTERJECTION BOY. Lugubrious lampreys, Captain Pleonasm! You sound like Ernest Hemingway again!
ANNOUNCER. Is this the end for Captain Pleonasm? Will the Brevitrons finally force him to speak in nothing but terse declarative sentences? Don’t miss next week’s enthralling and riveting episode of the Thrilling and Exciting Adventures of Captain Pleonasm and His Faithful and Trustworthy Sidekick and Assistant, Interjection Boy!
(Music: Theme, in full and under for…)
ANNOUNCER. When Captain Pleonasm feels a little down in the mouth, he knows exactly what he needs. It’s Malt-O-Cod, the only malt beverage flavored with 100% real cod-liver oil. Kids, ask your moms for Malt-O-Cod, now with the official Captain Pleonasm bingo game on every package. It’s the malt food drink that’s brain food—Malt-O-Cod.
(Music: In full, then out.)