To Mom from Amy: Well, I hope you’re happy now.
Happy birthday to Muriel, Edna, Mizzy, Gertrude, and Emmaline, from all your pals at the Sixth of the Month Club.
To Artemis Plumburger: Happy birthday from Allegheny County Criminal Court, which nevertheless reminds you that jury duty makes no exception for personal celebrations.
To Dr. Cyril Wecht from “Beyond the Grave”: It didn’t really happen that way, but we don’t hold grudges over on this side.
To Jimmy de Facto: Happy one hundredth birthday from your old pal Herb, you young whippersnapper, and just wait till you get to be my age.
To Sally from Rob: If I get over the malaria and stay in rehab, will you marry me when I get out of jail?
Happy first anniversary to Bill and Philippa Sternwheeler from Ma and Pa Brickle and the whole crew at Irv’s Tri-County Shotgun Emporium.
To Amy from Mom and Dad: Please come home! All is forgiven! Don’t forget to wipe your feet before you come in, as we have installed new carpet since you left.
To Sid “The Hammer” Marconi from “Dad”: On the busway under the Bloomfield Bridge at 2 a.m., and this time don’t forget the garlic press.
Ask Dr. Boli.
Dear Dr. Boli: Who is buried in Grant’s Tomb? —Sincerely, David McCullough.
Dear sir: Rutherford B. Hayes and his favorite steed, Crazy Horse.
Dear Dr. Boli: When was June Tenth celebrated? —Sincerely, Somehow I Missed It.
Dear sir or madam: Because of rain delays, June 10 will be celebrated on July 14 this year. You have not missed it after all: you may set your mind at ease. Bastille Day will be celebrated on an alternative date in August yet to be named.