Dumont Network: Takedown Notice (crime drama). A fast-paced new drama focusing on the heroic self-appointed enforcers of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act. Tonight: Moira wants to put a gang of middle-school file-sharing pirates behind bars—until she learns that one of them is her little sister Mira!
The Brimstone Channel: The Jesus Show, with the Reverend Bob-Bob Lee (religion). Tonight’s guest, fundamentalist mathematician Dr. Enoch Prattle, leads us through the complicated equations by which he derived the startling fact that “OBAMA” = 666.
Northern Broadcasting System: Stones of the City (crime drama). This latest entry in the vampire-building-inspector genre follows the adventures of Sam Ionescu, inspector for the city of Washington (Penna.). Tonight: When everything goes wrong in a new apartment building’s pipes, Sam begins to suspect his old nemesis, werewolf plumbing inspector Bob Ceausescu.
Metromedia: Al ’n’ Me (comedy). The wacky adventures of best buddies Alexander and Hephaestion as they look for new worlds to conquer. Tonight: Hephaestion thinks Syria would make the perfect birthday gift for Alexander, but he starts to panic when he finds out that Alexander’s already got one.
Golf Network: The Golf Show (golf). Tonight: Sled dogs of the Yukon Open.
Baldwin Borough Community TV: Baldwin Borough Council Meeting (public affairs). Tonight: Motion to censure the burgess’s new haircut.
Wolf Broadcasting Corporation: Fries with That (reality). The hot new reality show that takes ten new college graduates, puts them in dead-end jobs, and leaves them there forever. Tonight: Distracted by the death of her father and the amputation of her own right foot, Alison fills out the restroom checklist incorrectly and is put on probation.
The Lawnmower Channel: Mow in the Snow (yardwork). Real men don’t let winter keep them away from their lawnmowers!
Science Central: That’s a Fact! (documentary). Tonight: Prominent homeopath Dr. Giancarlo Miasma proves the efficacy of homeopathy by talking very loudly.