Sir: As a patriotic American citizen, I am shocked and appalled to find that foreign languages not only have gained a foothold in our country, but apparently have embarked on a campaign of ruthless conquest. Gone are the days when a law-abiding citizen could walk down the streets of any city in this fair land and hear nothing but good old American spoken. A recent survey shows that nearly 300 million Americans speak something called “English” as their primary or secondary languge.
What is this “English” anyway? I did some research, and it turns out that “English” is a Germanic language! Is this why our fathers fought and died in the Second World War? Did we defeat the Germans so that a Germanic language could muscle in and take over our whole country? I weep for my nation when I think of the generations of patriots who struggled to make American the best and most patriotic language in the world. Warren G. Harding—Yogi Berra—J. Danforth Quayle: did these great Americans speak “English”? I think not!
The time has come for action. The time has come to say, “Enough is enough!” I urge all patriotic Americans to join me in supporting a constitutional amendment that would make American the official language of America. Our slogan will be “Be American—Speak American!” I think it has a nice ring to it.