IN THE NEWS.

An NSA statement announced last night that the agency has intercepted a plot to disrupt the Dan Schutte concert and workshop of contemporary Christian music in Wheeling.

A chartered bus was stopped at a rest stop on Interstate 70 westbound when agents in flak jackets surrounded it and took the passengers into custody. According to the NSA statement, agents confiscated a continuo organ, two cellos, two violas, four violins, four oboes, four flutes, four recorders, and a large stack of sheet-music parts for Bach’s St. Matthew Passion.

NSA agents believe that the musicians and singers on the bus were “dupes,” unaware of the true nature of their mission, which was masterminded by the dangerous domestic terrorist Bozar the Clown, who remains at large.