The premiere episode of Nuance Guy, the Dumont Network series in which professor of history Dr. Orwin Thale explains the complexities on both sides of a hot political issue, succeeded in bringing America together and erasing decades of entrenched political division. The studio audience had been deliberately chosen to represent the extremes of the right and left, but only three and a half minutes into Dr. Thale’s exposition of the complex history of the abortion debate, the entire audience rose as one and began to pummel him with chairs, fists, camera equipment, and any other available blunt instruments.

“We learned a valuable lesson tonight,” said Winifred Planken, chair of the Progressive Caucus in the General Assembly. “Left or right, Democrat or Republican, progressive or conservative, we all really hate anyone who tries to make us see the complexities of an issue.”

“Amen to that, sister,” added Leopold Blanch, president of John Birch Society Local No. 27.

According to reports from local affiliates, after the episode aired, mobs of Socialist Workers and Proud Boys formed spontaneous vigilante committees all over the country to round up anyone suspected of moderatism.

Currently on hiatus, Nuance Guy will resume taping when Dr. Thale is released from the rehabilitation hospital. The next episode will be a fair and measured presentation of both sides of the Sheetz vs. Wawa question.