Keep these safety instructions with product at all times. Make sure they are posted where product can see them.
Do not inhale product except under the supervision of a licensed shaman.
Product may be hot if set on fire.
Product may be slippery if frozen.
Apply product in smooth, even strokes, without making any sudden movements.
Product distance from wall may impact product performance. Refer to logarithmic distance tables in Appendix H for more information.
Be aware that product has strong opinions on popular music.
Do not remain within 300m radius of product when product is ticking.
Keep out of reach of children. This has nothing to do with product, but it is never a good idea to be where children can reach you.
Store product in a cool dry place at least ⅝ furlong from the nearest mayonnaise.
If you let product read Sartre, you have no one but yourself to blame.
Do not remove thorns from product. They are there for a reason.
Do not speak product’s name. Ever.