THE ODD UNIQUENESS OF LATIN.

Non nobis solum, sed toti mundo.

There is nothing really unique about Latin as a language, except insofar as every distinct language is unique. But as a cultural phenomenon in the modern world, it is oddly different from any other language Dr. Boli can think of. It is the only language that has to be punished.

Now, this is not to say that there are not many other linguistic prejudices in the world. The violent antipathy expressed by many Americans—they usually call themselves “Patriots,” with a capital letter, implying that they constitute an ethnic group—toward hearing Spanish spoken in public is one of the phenomena future historians will probably have to explain, as today’s historians have to explain the violent antipathy that previous generations of Americans expressed toward hearing the Hungarian or German or Italian or Welsh spoken by those Patriots’ ancestors. And this is certainly not a uniquely American phenomenon. Go to Serbia and start a conversation about the Croatian language and see how quickly the responses become unprintable in a polite Magazine such as this one. Ask a Russian about the Ukrainian language, or a Ukrainian about the Rusyn language. Ask a Brooklynite what she thinks of the Boston dialect. Linguistic prejudice will always be a fact until our translation machines are so far advanced that we simply do not know when people are speaking other languages than our own.

But that prejudice is not hardwired into modern culture and technology. If anything, our technology is controlled by people who do their best to counter that prejudice by making any language accessible to everyone else in the world.

Unless the language is Latin. Then it must be shunned.

For example, we can look at the FLORES+ language dataset. This is a set of language data for evaluating machine translations. It currently includes 222 languages, including Faroese (spoken by about 69,000 people, according to Wikipedia) and Scottish Gaelic (spoken by about 70,000, again according to Wikipedia). It is so obvious that these languages are more important than Latin that it is probably taken as a fact not open for debate.

Perhaps the prejudice is not against Latin per se (to borrow a term from somewhere or other); perhaps it is simply a decision to exclude “dead languages”—languages that are no longer used in everyday speech, though they have a long literary history and are still important to specialists. That would be a defensible position, although it would be odd to say that there is more of a need for Esperanto translation (Esperanto is included in the FLORES+ dataset) than there is for Latin translation. But it wrecks against the fact that Sanskrit is on the list—Sanskrit being a language almost exactly analogous to Latin in its cultural position: a language with centuries of great literature that is still an important tool for scholars today, but not one that is the regular daily speech of any particular ethnic group.

So Latin is unique. The prejudice against it is so pervasive that it is invisible. It is part of the way the world works that of course Latin needs to be ignored and Sanskrit needs to be taken into account. No one questions the assumption because no one notices it.

Why is that?

It is probably because there was a long and successful fight in the Western world, and especially in the English-speaking world, against the use of Latin in general education. Through the nineteenth century, the main purpose of higher education was to leave its students with a competence in the classical languages. Other subjects were optional. This was as true of practical-minded Americans as it was of Europeans: a college education meant an education in Latin and Greek.

As the idea of “progress” took more and more hold on the imaginations of succeeding generations, however, the old ideal of a classical education was held up to more and more ridicule. It was wrong in every way: it was useless, in that you could not easily show how it led to more money; it was elitist, in that it created an elite class who prided themselves on their useless accomplishments; and it was wasting the time of our most intelligent young people, who ought to be learning how steam performs its miracles rather than how Cicero placed his adjectives.

The academic world did not give up the ideal of a classical education without a long struggle. But today it is hard to find a good classics program at a university, or at least we can say—since everything is easy to find in the age of the search engine—that a classics program is an arcane specialty, and one that is often hanging by a thread where it is found.

Yet the struggle is not over, because, like most revolutions, its mythology requires it to beat the dead horse long after its bones are bleached. There is something about the idea of a classical education that still has to be repudiated. Sanskrit did not form part of the traditional classical education in Europe and America, and therefore there is no need to repudiate it. It is safe to allow Sanskrit in our language dataset.

However, after all that, the story does not end with a complete repudiation of Latin. Artificial intelligence is responsible for many embarrassing cultural bloomers, but one of the virtues of the large language models is that they are self-learning. They simply scrape all the information on the Internet and learn what there is to learn. Much of the information is wrong and bad, so they learn wrong and bad things. But also, much of the information is in Latin. And so the best-known chatbots have become very good at translating Latin—not because anybody asked them to become Latin experts, but because the knowledge was there and they grabbed it.

Much research has shown how AI bots reinforce our prejudices, and on the other hand many of our politicians have been complaining that the AI bots do not reinforce their prejudices nearly enough. But—as we saw in the case of poetry—the bots do have the virtue of showing us the real state of human culture divorced from our individual biases. In this case, our human intellectual culture has a huge blind spot—but the bots have learned to see what we refuse to look at.

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BANNED BOOKS.

To: Administrators, teachers, and librarians.

From: School Board of Grant Borough, Subcommittee on Moral Rectitude.

Herewith and hereunder please find a supplementary list of books to be added to the list of books heretofore banned from classrooms, libraries, and rest rooms in all three Grant Borough Public Schools, along with the reasons for banning each book.

The Tempest, by William Shakespeare. Banned for promoting magic and other works of the devil.

The Way We Live Now, by Anthony Trollope. Banned because it was, like, really long, so we had to assume there was obscene stuff in there somewhere.

Roget’s Thesaurus, by Peter Mark Roget. This is banned at the special request of Mrs. Wight, whose fifth-grade class has been looking into it and snickering for unknown reasons.

Canterbury Tales, by Geoffrey Chaucer. Sets an appalling example of bad spelling.

Tom Sawyer, by Mark Twain. Banned for promoting disruptive intelligence in young readers. Also because we have just found out that the author was a fraud: his real name was not Mark Twain at all!

The Scarlet Letter, by Nathaniel Hawthorne. Banned for setting an unreasonably high literary standard, which is discouraging to aspiring writers among our students.

Constitution of the United States, by Rutledge, Randolph, et al. We are tired of students mounting successful court challenges to school policies, and have detained the most recent round of complainers at an undisclosed location.

THE LIFE AND GOOD WORKS OF MISS EVALINE BRACKET, M.L.S.

Scattered Notes for a Biography.


It is worthy of note that no one seems to have called Miss Bracket by her given name even when she was very young. Her parents, who were named Haines (it is unknown, therefore, how our subject came to bear the name Bracket), always referred to her as “Miss Bracket” when they spoke of her to friends. Since many of those friends knew of this supposed daughter only as a rumor for the first few years of her life, and not a few doubted her existence, no one made any effort to extract the reason for this peculiar referential habit from her parents. The girl’s neighbors, teachers, and playmates fell into the same habit of calling her “Miss Bracket,” and so she was called to the end of her life.

Miss Bracket made her début in society at the age of six, when she arrived for her first day in Mrs. Beardsley’s first-grade class in a chauffeured limousine, which was never seen again and caused some talk in the neighborhood, as the Haineses were not rich. On her first day of school, when the other children were at recess, Miss Bracket rearranged all the books she found in the classroom according to the Library of Congress cataloguing system. This would be her usual recreation for the rest of her school years. At first Mrs. Beardsley merely put the books back in their previous arrangement every afternoon once the children had gone home; but when the system according to which Miss Bracket had arranged the books was pointed out to her by the janitor (whose hobby was library science), Mrs. Beardsley began to experiment, bringing in more and more books on very obscure subjects. But no matter how arcane the disciplines, all the books would be arranged correctly by the end of recess.

Once, indeed, a debate arose between Miss Bracket and the janitor over the shelving of the Selecta capita philosophiae naturalis of Schellen­tragerus (Leipzig, 1723); but when the matter was referred to the Librarian of Congress himself, he gave his verdict in favor of Miss Bracket’s classification. The janitor’s mistake was attributable to his imperfect understanding of Latin. How Miss Bracket came to be fluent in the language at the age of six is not known.

Nor is it known how Miss Bracket acquired the prodigious strength she began to display in Mrs. Beardsley’s classroom. At first Mrs. Beardsley (according to her own testimony) supposed that the janitor was playing pranks on her; but then she walked into the classroom once during recess and found Miss Bracket carrying the big mahogany teacher’s desk to the other side of the room. When questioned, Miss Bracket explained that the furniture needed to be arranged in proper Library of Congress order.

For some time Mrs. Beardsley attempted to dissuade the child from her stated objective. She liked her desk where it was, she said, and it really was not necessary that the furniture should be arranged in some abstract pattern. Her efforts to reason with the child, however, had no effect: Miss Bracket had already reasoned for herself and come to a conclusion, and it was clear that, once a question was decided in her mind, no compromise, no deviation from what she knew to be correct, was possible. Mrs. Beardsley, like many others after her, learned to accept what her pupil had decreed, and by easy and almost insensible steps became one small part of a more perfectly ordered world. Soon the pupils in the class were themselves arranged according to the Library of Congress classification—for Miss Bracket had an almost preternatural ability to sense, and then to classify, the various personality types according to their essential nature.

Thus Mrs. Beardsley gradually adapted to Miss Bracket’s principles of organization, and even persuaded herself that the world was more to her liking when it was put in rational order; until one day in early March she drove herself to the school as usual and found that the school was not there. A small medical office building, inhabited by two neurologists, half a dozen gastroenterologists, and a color therapist, occupied the corner where the school had stood the day before.

It took quite a bit of driving here and there to find the school, which was three-quarters of a mile southeast of where it had been previously. In fact all the buildings on the boulevard, including a substantial shopping center, were in different places from the ones they had occupied the previous day. It would be difficult to describe the confusion that prevailed until at least noon. When at last Mrs. Beardsley did find the school, she was not amused to hear from Miss Bracket the reason for all the confusion. Miss Bracket had risen very early in the morning and rearranged the whole boulevard in proper Library of Congress order. She was a little tired, she said, but she would not allow fatigue to interfere with her schoolwork.

When the principal himself finally found the school, he called Mrs. Beardsley into his office, where she reluctantly agreed that a line had been crossed, and it would be necessary to call Miss Bracket’s parents in for a conference.


probably not to be continued, but you never know.