…you just had to hope that your advertisement didn’t appear too near the ones for other quacks for whom the engraver had used the same model.

From the Pittsburg Press, May 17, 1890, p. 2. Are we being unfair in calling these gentlemen quacks? Probably not. Notice that the first one is relying on the old bromide that back pain always indicates kidney disease—an assertion that, even in 1890, the American Medical Association was pointing out as the infallible mark of a quack. The second is selling a patent medicine, so we need say no more about him.

We apologize for the error on page 4 of the advertising circular from your neighborhood Food Festival supermarket. It was meant to read Artisan Sourdough, not Artesian Sourdough. Owing to scheduled vacations, the circular has once again been placed in the hands of our loyal but intellectually limited Herbert “Herb” Herbertson for the past two weeks, and these things happen when Herb is in charge. We should especially like to thank all the customers who took time out of their busy days to inform the management that our sourdough bread did not rise to the surface of their shopping carts under its own pressure. We honestly had no idea that so many of you were so well educated in hydrostatics, which makes us frankly wonder what you have been doing with your time. This week’s puns were almost as amusing as the ones last week about “naval oranges” and “army grapefruits.” We apologize for that error, too. As always, we look forward to serving our customers every day, though there are some days when our smiling optimism takes more effort to maintain.