CATCHING UP ON CORRESPONDENCE.

It has been a few months since Dr. Boli checked the spam folder, to which a few comments from earnest readers have unaccountably been redirected. To be precise, 16,759 comments have accumulated in the folder since the last time it was emptied. Dr. Boli will not attempt to answer all of them in this article, since that would tax his readers’ patience, but he has picked out a few comments of general interest, each reproduced in full, that may serve to represent the others; and he has responded to each one of them in the honest and straightforward manner his readers have come to expect.

hi!,I like your writing so much! share we be in contact more approximately your article on AOL? I need a specialist in this area to resolve my problem. Maybe that is you! Looking ahead to see you.

Your problem is that you are still looking for Dr. Boli‘s articles on AOL. Perhaps you ought to try CompuServe, and please do not hesitate to ask if you need more help.

Thank you for your sharing. I am worried that I lack creative ideas. It is your article that makes me full of hope. Thank you. But, I have a question, can you help me?

No. So much for hope.

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Always a delight to receive a fan letter from James Joyce.

Thank you, I have just been searching for information approximately this topic for a while and yours is the best I have found out so far. However, what in regards to the bottom line? Are you certain concerning the supply?

The supply is indefinitely large. Dr. Boli has not run out of sarcasm yet, and he does not expect to run out at any time in the near future.

Throughout the two-day Day of the Useless get together, which is Mexico’s largest annual celebration and a national holiday as well, the main focus is all about remembering liked ones who have passed on.

This comment has left Dr. Boli thinking he ought to move to Mexico, where at last he would be appreciated at least one day in the year.

On this consideration we must always recognise that we have slipped into the area of determinism.

Indeed, slipping into the area of determinism seems almost inevitable, doesn’t it?

Although he has not obtained permission to do this, he has been abducting and converting quite a few homeless people.

You leave us hanging. Into what did he convert them? And to whom should he have applied for permission?

Hello, I appreciate that you provide detailed information about your dermocosmetics products. This allows me to make informed choices about the products I purchase.

If you have been reading the Magazine under the assumption that you were learning something useful about dermocosmetics products, might we suggest Wikipedia instead? Dr. Boli hates to turn away a reader, but it would be in your own best interest to take your information from a more reliable source. We are not responsible for dermatitis or any other injuries caused by taking our advice on dermocosmetics products.

This brilliantly demonstrated how excessive-pitched or excessive-frequency sounds can break materials apart.

Our attorneys are of the opinion that this Magazine cannot be held responsible for material damages, no matter how shrill the writing may occasionally become.

How fascinating is most of the true world as a gaming environment?

Not very.

Th is c onte nt was w​ritten wi th　t᠎he　᠎he lp ​of G​SA Conte nt Gener᠎at​or Dem oversi on!

We have decided not to purchase the full version of your software, but thank you for the demonstration.

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IN LEGAL NEWS.

The slander suit against artist Eli “Bonkers” Johnson was dismissed today in the Thirteenth District Superlative Court, in spite of the artist’s admission that he had spoken the words deemed slanderous by the plaintiff.

According to the suit brought by the Buckingham & Sanders Artist Pigments Corporation, Mr. Johnson had defamed the company’s product, and caused material harm, by stating at an artists’ conference that he “could not speak the name of that color without spitting.”

Mr. Johnson (appearing pro se) admitted that he had spoken those words, but argued that, in American libel and slander law, truth is a defense. In an unusual move, he invited Judge Ronald H. Gramophone to speak the name of the color in question. After three unsuccessful attempts to pronounce “Phthalo blue” without a considerable amount of spray, His Honor dismissed the case.

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NEWLY DISCOVERED FRAGMENT OF FINNEGANS WAKE.

James Joyce spent many years revising and rewriting Finnegans Wake. Recently the literary world was all aflutter at the news that a single manuscript page, left out of the final version, had been discovered in a locked desk drawer at the James Joyce Museyroom in Sandycove. Naturally this Magazine outbid all rivals for the exclusive privilege of printing this newfound fragment.

Inthis pilgrim age, travailing in travel, abroad aboard the SS Peter & Paul, circumpolambulating the sevensea Ossian, they put in and they pulled out at Banglelore (thricelegendary bizarre bazaar of every danglebangle), Ethiopia (Abyssinia, in all those old familiar places), Norfolk, Suffolk, Effolk, and Weffolk, till dazed they were and dazedagain (redazed) (redeezed) (rediced) (redosed) (reduced). Paleandwan, wanandpale were they, paleandpale makes paler, wanandwan makes tu. Hot Chestnuts for Everywan! Smiling at the grim ace, drinkingtheir sovereigntea, upmounted the shells higherly into a veritabobble ALP, a grievousgreat load of shells, but the Load ALPs them what ALPs themselves. Now, patience; and remember patience is the great thing, and above all things else we must avoid anything like being or becoming out of patience, you idiots. We reek-oh of Vico in

At the bottom of the page is a long and apparently critical scrawl signed by someone named Nola or Nora or some such name. Most of it is illegible, and what is legible is unprintable.

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PARADOXES OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR.

You just missed it.

Gates’ Paradox: People know that Microsoft Windows will frustrate them, cost hours of lost work time every day, and eventually destroy their data, yet they still choose it as the safe alternative.

The Gasoline Fallacy: Gasoline prices are always posted in figures ending in nine mills, even though, logically, if such a convention were genuinely usfeul in marketing, it would have been adopted for every other product.

The Trolley Conundrum: Even though the streetcars run on a regular and predictable schedule, the answer to the question “When does the next car leave?” is always “Thirty seconds before you get to the stop.”

The Paradox Paradox: Intelligent readers will peruse a list of paradoxical human behaviors on the Internet and nod sagely, and then go back out into the world and continue committing all the same fallacies and absurdities.

Boli’s Disappointment: People know the punch line will not be a sufficient reward to compensate for the effort, yet they still read the joke through to the end.

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DR. BOLI’S LIBRARY OF LOST BOOKS.

No. 7.—Godefroy de Danielz: Universitas, sive de omnibus rebus libri quattuor milia undeviginti (The University; or, the Four Thousand Nineteen Books on Every Subject).

“The tree of knowledge has precisely 4,019 branches,” Godefroy wrote in the preface to his first book. “We begin with the root of all of them, which is the knowledge of God. And first, it is necessary to establish, for the sake of our argument, whether the root of the tree can be properly considered a branch for the purposes of our classification of knowledge. In order to have a properly considered answer to this question, it will be necessary to begin with an understanding of the structure of trees. In the first chapter of the first book, therefore, we shall examine the seed, which is the beginning of the tree and therefore the beginning of our inquiry as well. In the second chapter of the first book, we shall begin our examination of the question of how seeds come to be, and whether the seeds of trees of different kinds are properly subsumed under the heading of seed, or whether more than one εἶδος is indicated by an inexact application of the term seed. In the third chapter of the first book, the seed of the common stone pine of our southern regions is examined. In the fourth chapter of our first book, the seed of the Aleppo pine common in the Levant is considered in its relation to the seed of the stone pine, and shown to be similar but not identical. In the fifth—”

This is as far as the surviving text goes: only the first leaf remains, the rest having been used to line a litter box for Godefroy’s cat Anaxagoras. It is not known how far Godefroy had proceeded with his work, but it is noted that Anaxagoras lived for seventeen years after Godefroy abandoned the project and never ran out of litter.

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TRIBUTE TO A GREAT AMERICAN.

The late Patricia Fullinwider, career public servant and politician and great friend of Dr. Boli, campaigning with another great American in 1976.

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