IN DIPLOMATIC NEWS.

The French ambassador has informed President Biden that, because the English spelling of the name of France has been associated in English slang with certain rude or insulting nursery rhymes, the country would henceforth prefer to be known in English by its native spelling, which is “France.”

October 29, 2024. One comment.

HARK!

By Irving Vanderblock-Wheedle.

Hark!
In the dark,
In the park,
A most misguided lark
Will bark.

Now, mark
How the lark
Long past midnight will bark—
The lalalalalalalark
In the park
In the stark
Dreary dark.

If you ask, Why a lark?
Why a bark in the dark in the park?
No idea. Not a spark.
But the lark
Still will bark
In the dark.
Therefore, hark.

October 28, 2024. One comment.

WARNING LABEL.

October 26, 2024. No comments.

COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU.

Nutty Novelties Animation Studios present Farnsworth the Cat in Oedipus at Colonus. Adapted by Mr. Cat from the play by Sophocles.

October 25, 2024. No comments.

FROM THE ILLUSTRATED EDITION.

Looking into empty chest: “But I packed it full of dry ice just yesterday! Where could it all have gone?”

October 24, 2024. One comment.

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October 23, 2024. No comments.

THE YINZER BIBLE.

In a churchyard in the tiny hamlet of Clinton, now a western suburb of Pittsburgh, the tombstone of a young wife who died in 1828 quotes Proverbs 31:12 in the authorized Picksburgh version:

And She done him good and not harm all the days of her life.

October 22, 2024. No comments.

From DR. BOLI’S UNABRIDGED DICTIONARY.

Salsify (verb).—To make into salsa. “We have a lot of tomatillos left over from the garden. We might as well salsify them.”

October 21, 2024. One comment.

ASK DR. BOLI.

Dear Dr. Boli: Why are stupid people so angry all the time? Honestly, it just makes me want to punch them. —Sincerely, Spud, the bouncer at Krzrnski’s Cafe.

Dear Sir: Stupid people are angry because they believe, incorrectly of course, that they are more intelligent than the people around them, and that the world is in the mess it is in (stupid people are always convinced that the world is in a mess) because other people are too stupid to see the trivially obvious solutions to all our problems. The stupidity of other people is an inconvenience to people of obviously superior intelligence, such as you, but since the others are too stupid to see their own stupidity, they lash out in rage and sometimes violence against the people whom they perceive as being stupidly responsible for all the annoyances of their lives.

What can be done about it? The only solution would be to make the people around you less stupid. Start by teaching them to read Latin at least at the Caesar’s Commentaries level. Dr. Boli takes it for granted that a person of your obvious intelligence would have no trouble passing on some of his skills to the benighted mob surrounding him, and then the world would be in less of a mess, wouldn’t it?

October 20, 2024. 4 comments.

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