In Annapolis, it is proper table etiquette for the turkey to be carved by the member of the family who has accumulated the largest number of parking tickets during the previous year.

In Plymouth, Mass., Thanksgiving celebrations do not begin until half the residents have died of scurvy or starvation.

In Pittsburgh, the Thanksgiving turkey is traditionally stuffed with French fries.

In much of the Southeast, old plantation traditions are kept alive by suspending the corporal punishments due domestic staff until the day after thanksgiving.

In Washington, D.C., an alarming rise in the Meleagris-related crime rate has been traced to the presidential tradition of pardoning a turkey every year on the White House lawn.

In Coosawhatchie, S.C., Thanksgiving is held whenever a truck runs over a turkey, or something sufficiently similar to a turkey, on old U.S. 17.

In Seattle, the Thanksgiving season is traditionally kicked off with a colorful demonstration by the Soy Rights League protesting conditions at tofurkey factory farms.