Transcribed below. For our correspondent Daniel, we point out that this machine has a Magic Column Set button, but the key that moves the carriage to the next Magic Column is just labeled “TAB.”

Beginning of an Epic.

Sing, muse, and make the story of a man
Your theme: a man whose arduous adventures
The fates decreed one night when they were drunk.
Sing, I say: sing his many woes and torments,
His travels and his wanderings sing, O muse:
Ah, muse! Did I not say to you, “Sing, muse”?
Hey! Are you up there? Anybody home?
What do I have to do to make you sing?
Here, musey-musey-musey-musey-musey!
Here, muse! Here, muse! I’ve got a treat for you!
Oh, forget it.