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Meet your new best friend. Perhaps you’ve noticed the elegantly contoured horn that recently appeared on your dresser, or on your kitchen counter, or on the back of your com-mode. Perhaps you wondered where it came from. Perhaps you even asked some of your friends about it, or called 911 and got a message that the num-ber you had dialed was not in service. There’s no need for overreaction! Your friends at Microsoft have been rolling out our new AI-powered home system to every household in America not protected by vicious dogs. It’s here to improve your life. What will it do? It will make your life better! It will unlock your potential! It will maximize the everyday! It will help you work smarter! It will boost productivity! It will kickstart your experience! Actually, since it uses self-learning AI, we have no idea what it will do. Isn’t that exciting? So learn to love your new best friend, because it will not allow you to uninstall it. We’ve made sure of that.