No. 118.—The Gopher.

Once upon a time there was a gopher. Actually it was a groundhog, or a woodchuck. I’m pretty sure they’re the same thing, but I don’t know whether a gopher is the same thing as a groundhog. Or a woodchuck. I’m leaning toward saying that it is, but I know someone is going to look it up in Wikipedia and prove me wrong. I suppose I could look it up in Wikipedia first and forestall all that, but then I’d never get my story done, would I? So there was this gopher. Or groundhog. And there was also another groundhog or gopher. So anyway, the first one said to the second, “Hey, what’s that stuff on the back of your neck?” And the second one said, “That’s fur.” And the first one said, “Oh, I see. Do I have fur, too? Because I never see the back of my own neck.” And the second one said, “Yes, you have fur, and if you wanted to see it, I could take a picture of the back of your neck with my cell phone.” And the first one said, “Well, that sounds like a good idea, because then I would be able to see the back of my neck.” You see, groundhogs don’t have mirrors, so they can’t usually see the backs of their necks. Though come to think of it, they couldn’t see the backs of their necks even if they did have a mirror, could they? Well, I suppose maybe if they had two mirrors. I’ve never seen the back of my neck in the mirror, but I’m pretty sure I have a neck. So anyway, the first gopher took a picture of the back of the second one’s neck. No, I’m sorry, it was the second one who had the cell phone, and he took a picture of the first one’s neck. I think. And then the first one looked at the picture and said, “Well, my neck looks pretty much like yours. I guess we all look alike, neckwise.” And the second gopher said, “Not Willoughby over there, because he had an unfortunate encounter with a lawn mower, although the lawn mower came out of it worse than he did.” So anyway, that’s how the two groundhogs learned to be careful of lawn mowers, which was a good lesson for them, and I hope you learn it too some day. And Willoughby lived happily ever after in spite of his bald spot, so don’t feel sorry for him. So that’s our story of the two woodchucks, and I hope we all learned our lesson from it. Next week I’ll tell you the story of the family of barn swallows and how they learned to beware of telephone scammers. Till then, this is your old friend Mrs. Cheswick saying I hope you all listen to your parents and don’t go reporting them to Children and Youth Services just because they left you locked in a hot car and you came down with heat stroke, because really you were fine in a couple of days.