Bozar the Clown was arrested on Labor Day and charged with six counts of misdemeanor classicism.
A number of teenagers were reported walking on Bland Street without their eyes glued to phone screens. Police are investigating, but meanwhile residents are advised to stay inside and lock their doors.
Police have asked the public to be on the lookout for two women claiming to be Jehovah’s Witnesses. It is alleged that the women stand on street corners and lure passers-by with colorful Watchtower Bible & Tract Society literature, but, once the victim is reeled in, subtly redirect the conversation toward Presbyterianism.
Officer Martina Smirch won the Police Department Texting-While-Driving Derby by successfully completing thirty-four texts on the five-mile course through city streets while only grazing a Mini Cooper. Way to go, Martina!