Commissioned for Brenneman’s BacteriSafe Soap from the noted poet and singer-songwriter Irving Vanderblock-Wheedle.

Soap!
Soap!
Beautiful soap!
Friend of the grimy and emblem of hope!
If you feel slimy, there’s no need to mope:
Count on our soap—
Beautiful soap!

Soap!
Soap!
Excellent soap!
Don’t whimper “Why me?” and sigh like a dope.
Tell yourself, “Blimey! I’ll get me some soap!
Wonderful soap—
Brenneman’s soap!”
(Comes in greenish or taupe.)