EYE-WAXING AND OTHER SERVICES.

A few days ago, our friend Father Pitt published this picture of a small commercial building in Mount Oliver, which is a borough in Pittsburgh, in the sense that you cannot go in any direction from Mount Oliver without going through Pittsburgh, but it is not technically under the government of Pittsburgh, or at least half of it is not, but the other half is, which is why there is a city neighborhood called Mount Oliver as well, but this building is in the independent borough. Life in Allegheny County is complicated. At any rate, this is the picture:

149 Brownsville Road

Now, Father Pitt thought this building was interesting for its layers of architectural history, and it may well be. But what caught Dr. Boli’s attention was the wide range of services offered by the current tenant of the ground-floor storefront.

The sign is a little hard to interpret for the uninitiated, and Dr. Boli must count himself among the uninitiated. Why, for example, do people have their eyes waxed? It seems that people are willing to pay $12 for the privilege of having their eyes waxed—and that is just the starting price for brown eyes. We assume it is more expensive for blue or green or hazel eyes.

And then, when a man gets an express gel, what is he getting? Is it some sort of exceptionally thick Italian coffee? If so, why is the price specific to men? How much would a woman have to pay for the same thing? And once you have had too much of the thick Italian coffee, are you then “fullest with gels”?

Some of these services seem very involved, but that is probably the reason for the “+” after so many of the prices: you must take the stated price and then add to it some quantity so huge as to be unprintable. For example, it must cost a fair amount to have your organic mani pedi gels dip ombre 3Ds acrylic solar design waxed. In fact, no price is listed for that service at all, implying that, in the words of the old adage, if you have to ask, you are probably in the wrong establishment.

Signs like these are the things that keep Dr. Boli up at night. But for tonight he has decided to go to sleep anyway and let his readers interpret this sign in particular. What do you think the various services are, and how are they different from the services offered by that nice Mr. Torquemada during the Spanish Inquisition and Full-Service Nail Spa?

Comments

  1. Maypo says:

    A gel dip, I believe, is when the customer’s finger tips are dipped into a jello mold. The prices are variable and wouldn’t fit on the sign. Hence the terseness. I mean, how would you account for the different flavors available of jello? Not to mention that one option allows the fully prepared desert to be then given to the customer for subsequent consumption. The mind boggles, and the sign only has so much room, hombre.

  2. RepubAnon says:

    It’s nice that there’s a spa for nails. One wonders whether rivets have their own spa.

    As to Express Gels Man – perhaps the $25 Ped is this superhero’s hourly rate for walking, $30 for a combination of walking and running, and $45+ of other modes of travel are sought.

    Regarding the waxing eye brown, one wonders where the waning eye brown may be lurking…

  3. DmL says:

    We’re all familiar with the Gel-Man Effect. The Express version is simply faster.

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