Advertisement.

Trust the names with the longest record in the business. You can have a prosperous tomorrow today. All it takes is a high-yield investment like the Burns & Crater Ultra-Mega-Yield Trust Fund. It’s called a trust fund because it works when you trust us with your investment dollars, and we make reliably obscene profits for you through undisclosed means so clever that even the SEC hasn’t caught up with us yet. Call your local Burns & Crater representative today to discuss which opaque investment opportunity is right for you. And remember, only Burns & Crater can guarantee returns of at least 37% per annum, based on a proven track record more than eight months long. Burns & Carter, the most trusted names in Ponzi schemes.