Q. How many dog breeds are there?

A. Ruff-ly three hundred!

Q. How did the Witches’ Supply Company, Inc., get eye of newt into tins?

A. With a fiendish in-can-tation!

Q. Why did the organic gardener forget to turn his compost heap?

A. Because he was non compost mentis!

Q. What did the boxer’s ex-wife get him for his birthday?

A. A pair of socks!

Q. Who writes this stuff, anyway?

A. [redacted]