IN THE NEWS.

Just before Thanksgiving, the entire October and November runs of Organic Hills brand Free-Range Tofurkey Dinners were voluntarily recalled by Organic Hills, LLC. A spokeswoman for the company told reporters that the “difficult decision” had been made after the company had discovered that the tofu from its suppliers did not meet the strict standards for “free-range” that Organic Hills products promise. Shockingly, the soybean plants from which the tofu was made were kept under conditions that the spokeswoman described as “amounting to nothing less than being rooted to the soil.” Customers who bought Organic Hills brand Free-Range Tofurkey may return the unused portion for a refund, or may exchange it for an equal amount of Organic Hills Broccolurkey, which the spokeswoman explained is just as good but carries no “free-range” claims.

Comments

  1. tom says:

    When I was a lad, free-range meant you didn’t have to pay for it.

  2. KevinT says:

    Many years ago, our Thanksgiving dinner centerpiece was a tofurkey. Never again. As the saying goes, fool me once, shame on you…

  3. Occasional Correspondent says:

    If there is tofurkey, shouldn’t there be turfu, a tofu simulacrum made from turkey?  Parallel form, seems reasonable.  For instance, what are they doing with the feet and ankles/shins of slaughtered turkeys?  Going to waste?  I’d think if you run them through a shredder and boil them long enough you should be able to extract something that could be rendered tofu-like.  Maybe add some industrial solvents to the mix to facilitate the process.  And what about the pancreases and livers of the turkeys, don’t ever see buckets of those for sale, bet they’re going to landfill too; even better, these organs are rich in digestive enzymes which, judiciously separated and concentrated, might fill in for some of the industrial solvents.  Voilà! Tofu Con Carne! (or maybe it’s Tofu De Carne)(given that you accept turkey as carne)

    Further, if you do the boiling on a gas range, it can be GAS-RANGE Tofu De Carne — after all, gas is as free as the air so gas-range should be almost as good as free-range.

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