Anyway, first of all, I don’t want to make it sound like I don’t take any of the blame for yesterday’s events. I’m a mature adult, and I can admit that I should have been more careful. I thought I was buying a turkey baster, but it is completely true that the box said “Turkey Blaster,” and I should have been more careful when I read the packaging. I also ought to have paid attention to the directions when they said “stand at least 20 feet from turkey,” but I honestly thought “feet” was a mistake for “inches” there.
But I really have to ask whether people should even be selling things like that. I mean, you guys saw what came out of that thing. It was like flames from here to the county line.
In fact, I consulted with an expert, namely my neighbor Skip, who served in the Gulf War in some capacity, I think maybe catering, and Skip is prepared to swear on a stack of Uniform Commercial Codes that this item was actually a military-surplus flamethrower inexpertly relabeled for consumer use. So, yeah, you gotta be careful what you order on Amazon these days, but, criminy, guys, who expects a turkey baster to go all apocalyptic on you?
Anyway, that’s life, and what’s done is done, and all that, and I guess I’m sleeping on the couch till Georgina gets over this in February or March.
So once again, I’d like to apologize to all my friends and neighbors, and especially to the Grant Borough Fire Department. Obviously I didn’t mean to burn down the firehall, but we live and learn, and the best we can do is try to figure out what we did wrong and, you know, not do it quite so hard the next time.
So, once again, this is Al, saying what Herb always says, which is, Remember, cooking is for guys, too. And if you see a fireman standing at the intersection of Main and Everett, maybe put something in the boot.