Dear Mr. Flounder: I find myself in a very delicate situation. Two very nice young men are vying for my attention, and I like them both, and they both seem to have good prospects, but my mother says I can only marry one of them even though I’m a Mormon. So how do I choose? —Sincerely, Salt Lake Sal, the Belle of West Bountiful (Utah).

Dear Miss: In my vision, which came to me in muted pastel tones, I saw a graceful gazelle leaping across the African veldt, unless it was a savanna, because my visions sometimes mix those two up, but at any rate it was a gazelle, or at least some member of the antelope subfamily, and it was leaping, gracefully, as graceful leapers do; and gradually (still, you must remember, in muted pastel tones), the gazelle became a xylophone, which continued to leap, although not nearly as gracefully, and every time it landed it made loud clanking noises; and then a turnip rose up out of the ground and devoured the xylophone; which, however, continued to leap and clank inside the turnip, so that it was the loudest turnip you ever heard; and then instead of the clanking turnip, it was the sound of locker doors slamming, and I was back in junior high school, and I suddenly realized that I didn’t know where my locker was or what the combination was, and I had forgotten to go to all my classes for most of the year already, and now I was going to fail everything, and it was going to go on my permanent record; and then there was that gazelle again, leaping through the hallways of Elinor Glyn Intermediate School like it owned the place, and it went into the teachers’ lounge and closed the door behind it.

To interpret these visions requires delicacy and a sensitive appreciation of Jungian archetypes, so I was wondering if you have tried flipping a coin. I often make decisions by flipping a coin, or rather by having my staff flip one for me, since I am deficient in coin-flipping apparatus. I frankly don’t even know how I ever made it through junior high school.