Help wanted—Capable young persons with nimble fingers needed to untangle electrical cords. Three years ago I organized all my electrical cords in a big bin, and now they are all one huge tangle. Competitive piecework rates. Candidates will be required to pass through metal detector and submit to patdown to prevent clandestine scissors. Apply to Eccentric Billionaire, care of this Magazine, and please no helpful advice with surefire methods of untangling electrical cords, as I have already had my fill of that from Reddit, and look where it got me.