CHRISTMAS GHOSTS.

Scrooge’s Third Visitor

The Ghost of Christmas Past reminds you of what Christmas once meant to you and of how much you have lost by becoming a cynical miser.

The Ghost of Christmas Present takes you to see the Christmas celebrations of people whose decorations are much more tasteful than yours.

The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come shows you how much merrier Christmas will be without you.

The Ghost of Alternate-Universe Christmas shows you Christmas celebrations in a strangely different world in which chaser lights and giant inflatables were never invented.

The Ghost of Christmas in Czechoslovakia has been unemployed for about thirty-one years now.

The Ghost of Christmas Dinner Past usually surfaces about three hours after Christmas dinner to remind you that you shouldn’t have had so much pie.

The Ghost of Christmas Dinner Yet to Come builds culinary anticipations that can never be matched by the disappointing reality.

The Ghost of Christmas Gifts Past works the returns counter at Walmart.

The Ghost of Charles Dickens tries to collect royalties for parodies of his most famous work, but always fails.