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Worrying will kill you. It’s a proven scientific fact, verifiable by just think-ing about it for a moment, that anxiety is the leading cause of death in America today. Anxiety leads to heart disease, stroke, and even suicide—all of which can be fatal. The more you worry, the more you’re in danger of dropping dead in the middle of the street just when your worst enemy is right there to dance over your corpse. You’re wor-rying right now, aren’t you? But there’s good news! Anxiety can be cured. The wisdom of the ancients, as old as civilization itself, provides the answer. It’s called booze. Booze works directly on the nervous system to dull sensations and slow down the spiral of anxiety that leads to fatal consequences. Best of all, booze is available with no prescription from a liquor store or school playground near you. Are you worried about all the worrying you‘ve been doing about your anxiety? Stop the spiral now! Head for your nearest authorized booze dealer and say, “I want some booze!” Fake ID required if under 21. A public-service message from the Vice Council.