WORK FROM HOME assembling nuclear reactors for the foreign market. Business is booming as nations unable to obtain nuclear technology by traditional means turn to independent contractors. Send for free brochure. Business Opportunities, LLC, Millvale.

LEARN MUSIC NOW! Trained professional music teacher comes to your home to teach you how to operate MP3 player. Experience the satisfaction!

COLD-BLOODED REPTILE wanted to head large federal agency responsible for collection of government revenue. Must have no political opinions, human sympathy, or pride. Ideal candidate will have thick skin such as found on crocodile or Komodo dragon.

ABOUT TO GRADUATE? If you have a high-school diploma, come to the Agricultural Job Fair at the convention center, Friday, 4-8 p.m. Positions now open for motivated peasants. Are you looking to bind yourself to a plot of land owned by a major agricultural corporation?