No. 1.—The Dragon.
DRAGONS ARE FOUND primarily in the mountainous wastes of New Jersey and northern Delaware, where the peasantry lives in mortal terror of the huge, fire-spewing beasts—a fear that is entirely without foundation, as dragons have never been known to attack a peasant, subsisting instead on a steady diet of captive princesses. These are supplied from certain farms in the better neighborhoods of Philadelphia, whence they are brought to the feeding grounds by limousine promptly at four o’clock every Wednesday afternoon. The dragons show up precisely one hour later for their feast.
The Dragon signifies the virtue of Punctuality, without which it is impossible to exercise any of the other virtues, and which may therefore fittingly be termed the Princess of all the virtues.