Dumont Network: Ham ’n’ Eggs (comedy). The wacky adventures of best buddies Hamlet and Horatio, one of whom just happens to be Prince of Denmark. Tonight: Hamlet’s crazy feud with his mother and stepfather gets even more hilarious when all three are trapped in the same elevator! Now it’s up to sad-sack Horatio to get them out—if he can keep Ophelia’s hands off him long enough.

The Brimstone Channel: The Jesus Show, with the Reverend Bob-Bob Lee (religion). Tonight: What Jesus said about riches, and how to find the loopholes.

Northern Broadcasting System: Software Squad (crime drama). The exciting world of computer maintenance is the focus of this tense procedural. Tonight: The Squad is summoned when a mysterious driver incompatibility leaves a busy dentist’s office with no printer—and one very angry root-canal patient. Meanwhile, Derek and Gianna’s budding romance is threatened when he discovers she’s been secretly running Linux.

Metromedia: Al ’n’ Me (comedy). The wacky adventures of best buddies Alexander and Hephaestion as they look for new worlds to conquer. Tonight: Al and Hephaestion discover they’ve been dating the same girl! But things get really out of hand when all three of them end up trapped in the same elevator.

Golf Network: The Golf Show (golf). Tonight: Golf.

Baldwin Borough Community TV: Baldwin Borough Council Meeting (public affairs). Tonight: Reading of the minutes from last week’s meeting; proposal to replace fading Yield signs at three intersections; proposal to repaint burgess’s office pink over vigorous objections of the burgess.

Wolf Broadcasting Corporation: Fries with That (reality). The hot new reality show that takes ten new college graduates, puts them in dead-end jobs, and leaves them there forever. Tonight: Audrey makes her first double-sided copies.

Home Movie Channel: Mezzanine (drama). Tense drama about five different people, with five different destinies, all trapped in the same elevator.

Science Central: Shaft Men (documentary). Award-winning documentary follows an elite squad of experts as they rescue people trapped in elevators.