No. 3.—The Unicorn.
UNICORNS ARE FOUND in enchanted forests and other underdeveloped places, where they use their spiral horns to drill in the ground for truffles, voles, and other flora. These they dispose of at roadside souvenir stands, which are the unicorns’ chief source of income. Although the unicorn is sometimes portrayed as a rare beast in outdated literature, in recent years the population of unicorns has exploded, partly owing to the elimination in many places of rocs and other natural predators. Many suburban homeowners even in large metropolitan areas have reported unicorn damage to their houses and yards. Such damage usually takes the form of perfectly round holes in gardens and walls, often accompanied by neo-fascist graffiti. The most efficacious method of repelling unicorns is to ignore them, thus depriving them of the attention on which they thrive. The unicorn is sometimes said to have inspired the myth of the narwhal, a fantastical beast said to have one horn and swim in the northern oceans; but, aside from the horn, the similarities are few, and it is safest to regard the narwhal as a creature of pure mythology.
The unicorn represents the virtue of Frugality; for he makes do with one horn where more prodigal creatures splurge on two or more.