Dear Dr. Boli: Why are pigeons so stupid? —Sincerely, A Hater of Columbidae.
Dear Sir or Madam: The stupidity of the pigeon is proof of intelligent design. It would be simply impossible for such a creature as a pigeon, grossly handicapped as it is by an almost complete lack of attention to even its own most pressing interests, to survive so much as a single day, but for the invisible guiding hand of a loving and all-seeing Divinity. The pigeon also demonstrates that our wise and benevolent Creator showers special favor upon the stupid: an observation from which the human race may derive a certain degree of comfort. Dr. Boli hopes that, having seen the pigeon in this light, his correspondent will develop, if not an affection, at least a tolerance for these oft-maligned birds, or failing that at least refrain from berating them in public, which hurts their feelings.