DR. BOLI’S COMPREHENSIVE HERBAL.

No. 4 in a Series of 253,486.

PARSLEY (Petroselinum). —The utility of parsley can hardly be overstated. Its leaves, in either their flat or their curled form, flavor and adorn many popular dishes. (There is only one variety, which grows with flat leaves, but the leaves may be processed by machine after harvesting to produce the curled parsley commonly used as a garnish.) Aside from the well-known culinary uses of the leaves, there are many other reasons to admire this common but underappreciated herb. The flowers may be used as garnishes in a number of traditional Provencal dishes. With proper training and positive reinforcement, the roots may be encouraged to grow into carrots. By reciting the proper incantations, the entire plant may be turned into poison hemlock, which is of proven utility in disposing of troublesome pests and philosophers. Parsley has a cooling effect on the humors and softens the spleen, causing improvement to the temper and fresh breezes in summer. It was formerly governed by Mercury; but, after a bloodless coup, it is now governed by a People’s Safety Committee, which promises new parliamentary elections as soon as order is restored. In the language of flowers, parsley signifies vapidity.