Domaine des Piles Rechargeables Cotes du Youghiogheny 2005. Rich nose of cassis, cherry, cocoa, and other things that begin with C promises a big wine, but all it delivers to the palate is an IOU. Score: 79 (out of 100).

Silver Slug Valley California Old-Oak Chardonnay 2006. A tantalizingly complex wine that exhibits aromas of fresh peach, ripe peach, dried peach, green peach, canned peach in heavy syrup, canned peach in light syrup, peach jam, peach pie, peach cobbler, and rutabaga. The exhibit is open during regular business hours and by appointment evenings and weekends. Score: 79 (out of 85).

Wiggle Woggle Station Shiraz South Eastern Australia 2006. Juicy plums, ripe blackberries, fruity cherries, hints of mushroom, and bits of tobacco are included in the bottle to give the wine extra flavor. A bold wine with attitude, likely to get itself arrested sometime. Score: 79 (out of 91).

Burst-O-Froot 2006. Full of huge frooty notes that instantly kill the subtle flavor of any cuisine. A classic complement to food you don’t like. Rumored to be the favorite wine of Mr. Robert Parker. Score: 79 (out of 112).

Chateau Ed Chablis-in-the-Box. Surly and uncommunicative, with strong hints of cheap perfume and old sneakers. Best served cold and poured into the philodendron when no one is looking. Score: 79 (out of 342).