Scorpio. An extraordinarily dull day. Nothing of interest will happen in the morning, afternoon, evening, or night.

Sagittarius. Dull and monotonous. This is not the sort of day on which one meets a tall, dark stranger with a mysterious past.

Capricorn. Since nothing interesting is happening, why not read a good book?

Aquarius. Utter unrelieved monotony.

Pisces. Just a mile or so from where you sit right now, the most amazingly exciting things are happening—which is all the more remarkable considering how bleak things look in your neighborhood.

Aries. Your lifelong love of entomology comes to your rescue when a single fruit fly spends more than an hour trying to escape through your closed kitchen window, providing you with by far the most exciting spectacle of the day.

Taurus. The 5:43 streetcar will be slightly delayed at Beltzhoover Avenue, but not long enough to be worthy of remark.

Gemini. Everything on television tonight is a rerun. You might as well go to bed.

Cancer. Owing to a number of unforeseen circumstances, every event you had been looking forward to today is canceled.

Leo. Today would be a good day to learn to play solitaire if you don’t already know how.

Virgo. Is that a new crack in the plaster? No, sorry: it’s just a hair. Our mistake.

Libra. Disappointment awaits you when you turn to your favorite astrology column hoping for a little entertainment.