N.B.—The continuing writers’ strike is forcing most of the major television studios to make unusual adaptations, and viewers are warned to expect correspondingly unusual programming.
Dumont Network: Ham ’n’ Eggs (comedy). The wacky adventures of best buddies Hamlet and Horatio, one of whom just happens to be Prince of Denmark. Tonight: A completely improvised episode ends with all the main characters dead on the floor.
The Brimstone Channel: The Jesus Show, with the Reverend Bob-Bob Lee (religion). Tonight: With his writers picketing the studio, Rev. Bob-Bob prays God to smite all pinkos everywhere.
Northern Broadcasting System: Stones of the City (crime drama). This latest entry in the vampire-building-inspector genre follows the adventures of Sam Ionescu, inspector for the city of Washington (Penna.). Tonight: Testing various commercially available house paints, Sam applies each to a section of drywall and observes how long it takes the moisture to evaporate.
Metromedia: Al ’n’ Me (comedy). The wacky adventures of best buddies Alexander and Hephaestion as they look for new worlds to conquer. Tonight: When a rusty stirrup gives Alexander lockjaw, everyone else refuses to speak for fear of offending him.
Golf Network: The Golf Show (golf). Tonight: “How Grass Grows,” part 1.
Baldwin Borough Community TV: Baldwin Borough Council Meeting (public affairs). Tonight: With no script available for their debate, the council members vote to order pizza.
Wolf Broadcasting Corporation: Fries with That (reality). The hot new reality show that takes ten new college graduates, puts them in dead-end jobs, and leaves them there forever. Tonight: Morgan joins her fellow writers on the picket line to demand the theoretical right to royalties she will never actually earn.
Cooking Channel: Irony Chef (food). Famous chefs from around the world compete to see who can cook the most sarcastic meal.
Science Central: Science Now (documentary). Presenter David McSlick tests the effects of gravity on various objects likely to be found in a television studio.