To: All Employees
From: The President
Re: Deceased Woodland Animal
All of us here at the Schenectady Small Arms & Biscuit Co. are working hard to ensure that the Schenectady Small Arms & Biscuit Co. remains “A Great Place to Work,” in the immortal words of my illustrious predecessor Wilbert Rutherford Pinckney.
In this immediate context it has been determined that a deceased woodland animal has been found in parking lot number 4.
Please be advised that this is in conflict with Human Resources policy # 12,980,873 B-4, which prohibits woodland animals from accessing parking lots for purposes of bucket-kicking without prior approval, which must be obtained by filing form WA-15 (DEAD) no less than 4 (four [IV]) business days prior to decease.
In the interests of security and control, violations of this policy cannot be tolerated. Violators will be subject to immediate termination. In the mean time, Human Resources will begin the process of issuing photo ID cards to all woodland animals inhabiting the Schenectady Small Arms & Biscuit Co. campus. Woodland animals will be required to report to the photography studio beginning May 1, 2008, and are reminded that failing to smile at my picture is a punishable offense.
With Warmest Regards,
J. Rutherford Pinckney, President