THE TEN COMMANDMENTS N AT.

WHEN DR. BOLI was asked by a church in Pittsburgh to translate the Decalogue into the vernacular, he was of course delighted to be of assistance. Dr. Boli has a deep paternal love for his adopted city, and it seemed a very good idea that the Yinzers, as the inhabitants are called from their characteristic use of the second-person plural pronoun “yinz,” should have the words of the Ten Commandments rendered in a language they can understand.

Note that Dr. Boli has used the numbering of the Commandments adopted by the Lutherans and the Papists. If the other sects do not approve of that numbering, they can get their own Ten Commandments.

1. I’m Gawad, right? So yinz don’t got no other gawad, and yinz don’t try ta make yerselves a gawad aat a clay er sumpn, neither.

2. Yinz don’t go sayin ‘Oh my Gawad’ n at, cause that’s jus ignernt.

3. Yinz gotta go ta church on Sunday, er at least Saherty night.

4. Don’t go bein ignernt to yer mum an dad.

5. Yinz don’t kill nobody.

6. Yinz don’t boink yer bud’s wife, kay?

7. Yinz don’t steal nuffn.

8. Yinz don’t lie ta nobody abaat nuffn, cause I can tell an I’ll smack you.

9. Yinz don’t whine abaat not havin yer bud’s haas.

10. Yinz don’t whine abaat not havin yer bud’s wife, er his guys, er his car, er anythin he gots.

Comments

  1. John Udics says:

    Look. ‘Ignernt’ don’ gots no ‘g’.

  2. Rob G says:

    As I lifelong Pittsburgh resident and recovering ex-Yinzer, I feel I must correct the good doctor. In commandments 7 & 8, Dr. Boli has the word “nothing”
    translated as “nuffn.” While this may indeed appear as a local variant, I believe that is most common among juveniles. On the other hand most Western Pa.
    residents upon reaching adolescence will dispense with the “nuffn” variant and begin using the variant “nuttn” instead. The question as to when and how this
    subtle switch occurs has stymied linguists, as the transition can in no wise be predicted
    with any accuracy.

    As an interesting sidelight, one occasionally hears amongst the Western Pa. young the variant “nuffng,” but never in my experience does one hear “nuttng,”
    except among those with speech impediments, the insane, and/or Germans. This, of course, is purely anecdotal on my part, and more work would undoubtedly need to be done in this regard to verify the observation.

  3. raincoaster says:

    I can’t read this without thinking “and, at midnight Cthulhu rose from the sea and et im.”

  4. Buzz Brindle says:

    Shouldn’t all of these sentences end with a question mark?

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