IN CLEANING UP from this week’s Fringe Party convention, the following items were recovered, which we hope to be able to return to their rightful owners:
(1) gavel, showing marks of nail heads, suggesting that it has been used otherwise than as intended.
(3) black patent leather high-heeled shoes.
(1) compact disc with writing in permanent marker that says “SECRET FRINGE PARTY STRATEGY DOCUMENTS DO NOT LOSE.”
(4,169) “HARDING/KING” buttons, found outside our back window.
(15) “Pusillanimous Pussyfooter” T-shirts, found with the buttons.
(1) convention delegate, still regrettably unconscious and not otherwise identifiable.
The management would be grateful if the owners of the items listed above would return to HERB’S ROLLER-RAMA in Swissvale to retrieve their belongings as soon as possible.