About the Quantonia Life Pin.

What does the Quantonia Life Pin do?

All living things have a vital energy that flows continuously along certain meridians known to the ancients as “meridians.” The Quantonia Life Pin realigns your body’s flow of energy so that the meridians of current are parallel rather than diagonal.

How does that help me?

When your energy meridians are more efficient paths, your vital energy flows more directly. Thus you have more vital energy, because the energy is no longer spent on navigating tangled meridians.

What is this “energy” you talk about?

It’s very simple. Energy is… It’s a sort of… That is, it’s what you… When you have a… Actually, it can be very difficult to explain. You’d know if you’d seen Star Trek. It’s like this blue glow.

Does the Quantonia Life Pin need batteries?

No. The Quantonia Life Pin is powered by sucking the energy out of the people around you.

What is the history of the Quantonia Life Pin?

Ten thousand years ago, the ancient Peruvians who built the magnificent pyramids of Mexico discovered that certain crystals protected them from the harmful radiation emitted by their cell phones. As soon as they made this discovery, their wise priests set up a profitable mail-order business to make the health-giving properties of this crystal available to anyone with a mere $79.95 plus shipping and handling to invest in his or her well-being.

What research supports the efficacy of the Quantonia Life Pin?

An independent study that monitored seventeen experimental subjects wearing Quantonia Life Pins found that only one, or less than 6%, died during a 24-hour period.*

What if the Quantonia Life Pin just doesn’t work for me? Can I send it back for a refund?

You could try that and see where it gets you.

*“Quantonia Life Pin Not Demonstrable Threat to Public Health,” Proceedings of Commonwealth of Penna Commission on Medical Fraud, No. 163.


  1. Jeff says:

    “The Quantonia Life Pin realigns your body’s flow of energy so that the meridians of current are parallel rather than diagonal.”

    This is confusing. My electrician says my meridians are connected in series, which (she says) results in the same levels of current throughout my body. But if the Quantonia Life Pin rearranges my energy in a parallel fashion, it seems to me I’d lose rudder control, leaving me to spin in small circles until December of 2012.

    What gives?

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