Scorpio. Friends figure prominently in your plans for the day. The stars do not like your friends, and think you could do better.
Sagittarius. You will sleep now, and when you awake, you will be singing the number of a Swiss bank account to the tune of “Maryland, My Maryland.” The last two bars are the amount, in dollars and cents, that you will deposit in that account.
Capricorn. Who would have thought? Certainly not the stars. They were busy with this and that, and it completely slipped their mind.
Aquarius. It is not true that dogs growl at you everywhere you go. It only happens when you go to places where there are dogs.
Pisces. Strong drink is a temptation you must avoid today. Tomorrow, however, you are likely to need it.
Aries. Be warned: green leafy vegetables are not your friends today. The stars refuse to elaborate on that statement.
Taurus. The heavenly Saturn is in the ascendant right now. Your earthly Saturn needs a new head gasket. Sorry.
Gemini. Your double vision has nothing to do with your astrological sign; it is merely a troubling coincidence.
Cancer. The stars would like you to take two aspirin and call them in the morning. They hope you feel better.
Leo. Venus is in the house of Aquarius right now, and heaven knows what she gets up to in there. Better stay in bed.
Virgo. Money problems will tempt you to do something you know is wrong. The favorable alignment of the stars would tend to indicate that you should go ahead and do it.
Libra. Rain showers tonight, becoming freezing rain after midnight. Southwest wind around 11 miles per hour. Good fortune is showered upon you from about 3 a.m. to 4:30 a.m., but you’ll be in bed and miss it.