TONIGHT AT EIGHT.

Dumont Network: Midas Welby, D.O. (medical drama). In the pilot episode, Dr. Welby is mistaken for an orthodontist, with nearly tragic results.

The Brimstone Channel: The Jesus Show, with the Reverend Bob-Bob Lee (religion). Tonight: The Rev. Bob-Bob introduces his new money-back pledge guarantee: a full refund if you end up in hell.

Northern Broadcasting System: Stones of the City (crime drama). This latest entry in the vampire-building-inspector genre follows the adventures of Sam Ionescu, inspector for the city of Washington (Penna.). Tonight: Inspecting a local high school, Sam discovers what he thinks is a secret nest of vampires like him, unaware that all teenage girls dress like that these days.

Metromedia: Al n’ Me (comedy). The wacky adventures of best buddies Alexander and Hephaestion as they look for new worlds to conquer. Tonight: Alexander orders an epic to commemorate his victories in Indiabut the poet delivers a Broadway show instead! A very special musical episode.

Golf Network: The Golf Show (golf). Tonight: Extreme mud golf.

Baldwin Borough Community TV: Baldwin Borough Council Meeting (public affairs). Tonight: An empty room, since a certain council president rescheduled tonight’s meeting without bothering to inform the production manager at Baldwin Borough Community TV.

Wolf Broadcasting Corporation: Fries with That (reality). The hot new reality show that takes ten new college graduates, puts them in dead-end jobs, and leaves them there forever. Tonight: Dawn asks why all she gets to do is hold the flag at the construction site, so her supervisor hands her a backhoe.

The Lawnmower Channel: Dandelion Wars (yardwork). The score so far: Homeowners 3, Dandelions 8,374,752.

Science Central: Ghost Stalkers (documentary). Tonight: A refreshing cool breeze blows in off the river, causing the team’s sensors to go haywire.