Dumont Network: Midas Welby, D.O. (medical drama). Dr. Welby is arrested for battery and affray after six people at the same party ask him whether an osteopath is a real doctor.
The Brimstone Channel: The Jesus Show, with the Reverend Bob-Bob Lee (religion). Tonight: The Rev. Bob-Bob condemns the pagan excesses and lurid commercialism of Catholic parish festivals. Also: More stories of prayers answered through the Rev. Bob-Bob’s Miracle Prayer Mats, available for only $19.95.
Northern Broadcasting System: Stones of the City (crime drama). This latest entry in the vampire-building-inspector genre follows the adventures of Sam Ionescu, inspector for the city of Washington (Penna.). Tonight: When an article in the local weekly points him out as a suspected vampire, Sam finds himself mobbed by teenage girls wherever he goes.
Metromedia: Al ’n’ Me (comedy). The wacky adventures of best buddies Alexander and Hephaestion as they look for new worlds to conquer. Tonight: Hephaestion tries to sneak in a few conquests of his own on the side. But what will happen when Alexander finds out?
Golf Network: The Golf Show (golf). Lorena Ochoa and Tiger Woods perform composer Ruthven Mophandle Heyser’s Duet Sonata for Mashie and Niblick.
Baldwin Borough Community TV: Baldwin Borough Council Meeting (public affairs). Tonight: Council debates the question of the Aristotelian idea of the self versus the Cartesian.
Wolf Broadcasting Corporation: Fries with That (reality). The hot new reality show that takes ten new college graduates, puts them in dead-end jobs, and leaves them there forever. Tonight: In conversation with the other waiters, Connor is excited to discover that he can deduct wire-bound memorandum books as an unreimbursed business expense.
The Lawnmower Channel: The Violet Menace (yardwork). Homeowners tell horror stories of this ruthless invader; one botanist’s promising success with Agent Orange.
Science Central: Amazing Animals (documentary). Tonight: Startling new proof that, if unicorns did exist, they would be pink with rainbows on their flanks.