TONIGHT AT EIGHT.

Dumont Network: Midas Welby, D.O. (medical drama). When Dr. Welby runs up against a hard-headed hospital administrator, it’s up to a sick little boy to teach them both a lesson in compassion. Don’t forget the free barf bag that came in Sunday’s Dispatch.

The Brimstone Channel: The Jesus Show, with the Reverend Bob-Bob Lee (religion). Tonight: Rev. Bob-Bob shows you how the Internet will steal your immortal soul. Learn more at www.revbobbob.com.

Northern Broadcasting System: Quirkville, PA (comedy-drama). The quirky new comedy-drama about a quirky small town and the quirky people who live there. Tonight: “As Seen on TV.” Mayor Quentin Q. Quentin appears in a series of television ads to promote Quirkville as a tourist destination, but the ads backfire when the only people who show up are quirky types who refuse to spend money on material things.

Metromedia: Al ’n’ Me (comedy). The wacky adventures of best buddies Alexander and Hephaestion as they look for new worlds to conquer. Tonight: Alexander has beheaded so many cupbearers that no one wants the job. Can Alexander learn to bear a cup all by himself?

Golf Network: The Golf Show (golf). Tonight: Special guest Alexander the Great, star of the hit Metromedia comedy Al ’n’ Me, explains how to get the best performance from your caddy.

Baldwin Borough Community TV: Baldwin Borough Council Meeting (public affairs). Tonight: Councilman Donald “Red” Rubrik suggests addressing the borough’s budget deficit through an amazing new opportunity in multi-level marketing.

Wolf Broadcasting Corporation: Fries with That (reality). The hot new reality show that takes ten new college graduates, puts them in dead-end jobs, and leaves them there forever. Tonight: Anna argues that, as lieutenant governor, she’s entitled to an upgrade from the motor pool.

The Lawnmower Channel: The Rake Show (yardwork). Tonight: The final showdown between the bamboo-rake team and the steel-rake team. Whose rakes will reign supreme?

Science Central: Alternative Science (documentary). The bold new series that explores alternate ways of knowing. Tonight: How alternative practitioners achieve certainty by closing their ears and humming loudly.