THE BLANDVILLE BRANCH Library will be having a Giant Book Sale beginning Monday and continuing until all the books are gone. The Library staff have decided that the Library can no longer afford to maintain a collection of books when computer workstations are so expensive.

Softball tryouts for the Blandville Badgers softball team will be held on Saturday from 10:00 to 4:00. After last season’s disappointing performance, this season we have decided to cheat. Come prepared to show off your most devious moves.

The Community Television Viewers’ Association will be offering a free workshop all day Tuesday. With the Internet rapidly overtaking television in popularity, we are concerned that the skills required to absorb purely passive entertainment are being lost. Third-generation television viewers will be on hand to teach you the secrets to a rewardingly inert television-viewing experience.

Eighth Presbyterian Church has decided to cancel the raffle previously announced in this space, because predestination takes all the fun out of gambling.

The Department of Homeland Security has asked us to remind all Blandville residents to leave their curtains open in the evening. It makes it so much easier for agents to see inside your home and make sure everything is all right.

Gemma’s House of Cards is selling all remaining Mikael Agricola Day cards at bargain prices. Stock up now and be ready for Mikael Agricola Day next year!


  1. Steve Schaper says:

    Dear Dr. Boli, I fear that you may have inadvertently posted real news in the first and fifth paragraphs. Please try harder at parody and satire in the future. You have accustomed us to higher standards. We shall be Most Displeased if you keep copying the MSM.

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