THE LECTURE BY Prof. Wilton Beard, entitled “I’m Lovin’ It: The Irreducible Alterity of the Metadiscourse of Contemporary Advertising as Formal Poetry,” previously scheduled for tonight at Memorial Hall, has been canceled, because Prof. Beard has concluded that current critical theory, to which he had devoted his entire career, is a load of piffle. Further inquiries may be directed to Holy Assumption Monastery in Spring Hill, where Prof. Beard has begun a new vocation filling printer cartridges.