Dear Dr. Boli: Could you please give advice on whether money can indeed buy happiness? —Sincerely, MC Grammar.
Dear Sir: The great beauty of our consumerist-capitalist system is that money can buy absolutely anything. Happiness therefore may be purchased on the open market, because consumerism has taken the trouble to define happiness as the accumulation of material possessions. Even the poor may participate in the pursuit of this happiness, since many consumer goods that take up a great deal of space are available for very little money at large discount chains throughout the suburbs, and usually the suburbs are only a short jitney ride away from the haunts of poverty. Nevertheless, it is quite clear that a greater amount of money will buy a higher quality of happiness, in proportion to the quality of the consumer goods it can purchase. A great deal of wealth will buy gold taps for your bathroom sink or neckties that cost as much as a family sedan, and these extraordinarily expensive trifles obviously bring a much more concentrated dose of happiness into your life. If you have unlimited wealth, you can buy anything you set your heart on, and your happiness is correspondingly unlimited. Of course, to judge by the antics of the truly filthy rich, this is apparently the kind of happiness that makes you wallow in misery. But you can buy it.
Dear Dr. Boli: Which came first, the chicken or the egg? —Signed, Hubert G. Galliformes, Puzzled Poultry farmer.
Dear Sir: Quite some time ago, Dr. Boli addressed this question in his Encyclopedia of Misinformation, which has become the standard reference in the field (viz., of misinformation); and he is delighted to be able to reprint the relevant entry for you here:
Eggs. “Which came first: the chicken or the egg?” —This hoary folk conundrum reveals a fundamental misunderstanding of evolutionary history. The chicken and the egg are distinct organisms living in a symbiotic relationship.
For more useful information on these two fascinating creatures, you may wish to read the entry on the Chicken in Dr. Boli’s Allegorical Bestiary, and to review the instructions for cooking eggs from our series Cooking for One.